


Cracks Underneath

by RainbowSerenity



Category: Final Fantasy XIII
Genre: Canon Compliant, F/M, Gen, POV Second Person, Second Chances
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-12
Updated: 2018-04-12
Packaged: 2019-04-22 02:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,157
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14298501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowSerenity/pseuds/RainbowSerenity
Summary: Sometimes you wonder how you got so lucky to love such an amazing man. It's incredible that he loves you back.Right?





	Cracks Underneath

**Author's Note:**

> please don't be put off by the second person POV lol <3

You’re in love with an amazing man, and the amazing part is that he loves you back.

He’s not overly romantic, but then again, neither are you, so that’s okay. It’s in the little things, like how after six months or so, he lets you leave you toothbrush in the bathroom and clears away a drawer in his bedroom so that you’d have a place to put your stuff. He unceremoniously gives you a key to his place, just because it ‘made sense’ for you to have it.

Dependable and practical. That was Hope Estheim in a nutshell.

You adored how smart he was, how he’d make quick work of any problem, scientific or not, in a matter of seconds. This seemed to fall into your love life, too – whenever you told him that you loved him, his eyes would widen and he’d reply, “I love you too!” His voice always got a little higher-pitched like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, and the statement always sounded like he was congratulating you for getting an answer right.

But that was okay. More than okay, really. You loved him and his no-nonsense way of life. He was calculated and precise, but not in a cold way or anything. It was just how he _was_.

The only time he ever seemed to lose control of his emotions was when you were in bed together, but even then, it wasn’t in any sort of wild and crazy way. Sometimes his touches would just get less precise and he often got a faraway sort of look in his eyes. You always told yourself that he was just incredibly lost in the moment with you.

You didn’t have the guts to ask otherwise.

Sometimes you wondered if he missed the old world, whatever that had been. You had no memories of it, but Hope did. He’d often talk to you about it at night while he traced patterns into your back – about magic and people turning to crystal and traveling through time. It all sounded like something out of a storybook, but the way he told those tales was so _vivid._ His words stirred some sort of primal feelings in your heart, and it was enough to make you believe that you’d once belonged to that world, too.

Whenever he told those stories, he’d often mention a ‘savior,’ and his voice was so… _reverent_ when he spoke of her, like she was a literal Goddess who’d fallen and demanded worship. He never mentioned her by any other name, so this person seemed more like an idea than someone who truly existed.

It was how you were able to conceal the jealousy when you wished that he would talk about _you_ with such reverence.

_You_ were a real person. _You_ were the one in his bed almost every night, the one that had space in his drawer and a toothbrush in his bathroom. He loved you. There was nobody else.

Until you walked in on them.

To be fair, there wasn’t anything scandalous happening. When you unlocked the door to Hope’s apartment, you were startled to find him in a deep conversation with an unfamiliar woman. Her rose-colored hair gleamed even under the dull lighting in the living room.

Neither of them saw you at first. Even though you wanted to call out a greeting and kiss him, you just _stared_ instead. You couldn’t hear what the two of them were saying, but you’d never seen Hope with that look on his face before – there was a slight smile on his lips and his head was tilted a bit as he listened to her speak. It might have been a silly thought, but there just seemed to be this… _light_ that glowed in his eyes.

He’d never looked at you like that before.

Without another thought, you cleared your throat, which caused Hope to jump a little, but the woman just whipped her head around. The two of you stared impassively at each other for a long, suspended moment. You had the weirdest feeling she was sizing you up.

Luckily, Hope was right there to smooth it all over in that practical way you loved him for. “Welcome back. Oh hey, is that dinner?”

“Yeah.” You set down the bags of takeaway on the table. _Two_ bags.

The woman’s eyes flickered to them and she looked at Hope, not sparing you a second glance. “I’m going to go.”

“Oh.” For the first time in all the months you’d known him, Hope looked genuinely upset. “Well, I…”

“I need to get back to Serah.”

“Oh.” Hope nodded. “Right. Please give her my regards.”

The two of them stared at each other some more and you had the weirdest feeling that you were intruding on something personal even though _you_ were the one with a key. _You_ were the one who slept in Hope’s bed and had his love.

You ignored the little voice in the back of your head that taunted you with the truth: you didn’t have that light in his eyes.

“Right,” the woman echoed, finally looking away and heading for the door. “I’ll let myself out.”

“Light - ”

“It’s not that far.”

She crossed the floor to leave and your eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. “Light?” you echoed after she’d left and there was silence in the room.

Hope jumped again like he hadn’t realized you were standing right there. “Oh, um, yes. Another friend from the old world.”

As the two of you sat down to dinner, you recalled all those stories he told you when the two of you were supposed to be asleep, trying to remember someone by that name. It didn’t hit you until you were taking out the trash that you knew exactly who she was.

The Savior.

You accepted the kiss he gave you before falling asleep. Though his face was relaxed, like everyone’s usually was in sleep, it didn’t compare to how raw his expression had been while talking to his Light. You’d never even seen him looking like that while talking about work.

Without hesitation, you reached over and grabbed Hope’s phone, taking it out to the hallway with you. Sure, he had a two-step unlocking system on it, but you didn’t date a man for nearly a year by now without learning how to get into his phone.

Not that you’d had a reason to do so before now.

You scrolled through his contact list. There weren’t very many names, but they were all organized by the same method – a first name and last initial.

Except for one.

You tapped on the name that was merely the letter 'L’ and a lightning bolt emoji. For a second, you just stared at the contact info, wondering if they’d only exchanged numbers today or if he’d had this for a long time, but it didn’t matter.

She picked up on the first ring, her voice wary but, ironically, full of… “Hope?”

“Nope,” you replied. Whatever anger that’d been bubbling in your chest fizzled out. Maybe you _should’ve_ been more pissed off, but you just felt….numb.

Light sucked in a breath. “What are you doing with his phone?”

“Just letting you know that Hope’s in love with you.” You didn’t know whether to laugh or cry at how easily the words came. Maybe both.

“He – he’s not…” You got the feeling that Light didn’t often stumble over her words. “Hope – he doesn’t…it’s not…”

“I’ve heard how he talks about you. I saw how he looked at you earlier. You didn’t want to leave, did you?”

Silence. Guilty silence. And then, “Why are you doing this?”

“Because Hope doesn’t love me,”  you said. The words felt like a knife, but you knew it was true. Or at least partially true – maybe he did love you, but it wasn’t in a way either of you deserved while you had a toothbrush in his bathroom. You let out a wild, painful, slightly hysterical laugh. “He doesn’t! He can’t because he loves _you!”_

Speak of the devil – maybe it was your laugh or your words, but you spotted Hope a second later, standing in the doorway of the bedroom. _His_ bedroom, because what the hell had you been thinking that it was partially yours, too?

He ruffled his sleep-mussed hair, looking confused and bleary-eyed. “Hey…” His eyes widened a bit when he saw you with his phone with tears in your eyes. “What are you doing…?”

“Nothing.” You scrambled to your feet. “Just telling your _savior_ that you’re in love with her.”

Hope sucked in a sharp, shaky breath. “How…?”

That wasn’t even a denial. That hurt. You glanced down at the phone in your hand. Light was still on the line. She could probably hear everything. “She’s probably in love with you, too, idiot.” You tossed the phone at him, watching as he fumbled to catch it. “I’m getting my stuff and leaving. Don’t follow me.”

“No, wait - !”

You whirled around, staring at him for what would probably be the last time. His sea-green eyes, the mussed silver hair, his lean build – he was stupidly handsome and sweet and practical and so smart, but so _stupid_ when it came to feelings.

“Don’t do me a favor by pretending you feel the same way about me,” you said, your voice only wavering a little. Just a little. “Just…think about yourself. For _once.”_

With that, you left him there and stomped through the place, getting your stuff. Some clothes, a couple of little knickknacks, your toothbrush. It was barely enough to fill a plastic bag. Gods, you were pathetic, thinking that all of this _meant_ something.

Before you left, you took the key to his place out of your pocket and left it on the kitchen counter.

And then you walked out for good.

Over the next few months, you couldn’t help but wonder if anything had come from that night – if Hope had actually talked to Light and they worked through their feelings or if they decided that you were being silly and continued to dance around each other. You had to admit that, as painful as it was, the first option was preferable. The thought of Hope stringing someone else along like he’d done with you – even without realizing it – twisted your chest in pain that you couldn’t even begin to describe.

Above all else, you wanted him to be happy, even if it wasn’t with you.

The next time you see him, it’s not in person, which makes sense since you’ve long since moved away. You’re snuggled up next to your boyfriend on the couch and flipping through the channels while he’s staring at his phone. Even though you’re going through the boring news channels, one makes you stop and watch.

There he is, right on the national news – Hope Estheim receiving an award for some kind of scientific breakthrough.

Even though it’s been a year and a half since that night, there’s still a slight little pang in your chest as you watch him, practically beaming as he receives a fancy-looking plaque. The hurt in your heart dissipates when you catch a glimpse of rose-colored hair off to the side, and when Hope moves his hand just right, you can see a gold ring on his finger.

Your boyfriend looks up from his phone with a frown. “Why are you watching this?”

You shrug with one shoulder, gesturing to the screen. “I used to date that guy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

“Huh.” Your boyfriend cocks his head a bit and squints. “I can’t really see you with him.”

“Why not?”

He grins and pulls you closer. “Maybe because I can only see you with me.”

You smile and tilt your head up for a kiss. When you glance at the TV one more time before turning it off, Hope has a beaming smile on his face and light in his eyes. You know it’s partially from whatever award he’s gotten, but when he glances to his right and the camera pans to Light, who looks much softer than that day you’d met her, you know the award’s not the only reason for his grin.

It was incredible, really. Hope had known her in an old, dying world and carried her with him here to reality. Those two had been with each other through so many lifetimes, and yet somehow, _you_ were the only one to see the light in his eyes when he looked at her. Maybe she’d gotten so used to the expression that she hadn’t been able to see it for what it was.

You shook those thoughts out of your head and tossed the remote to the side when TV flickered off, instead turning your attention to your boyfriend’s lips.

You once loved a dependable, practical man who couldn’t return your love. The amazing part is that you found someone who can.

**Author's Note:**

> I have a longstanding headcanon that Hope is pansexual, so feel free to imagine that the narrator is whatever gender you please 8D
> 
> I'm on a [tumblr](http://rainbowserenity.tumblr.com) if you wanna say heyyy~


End file.
